Hello my Lovelies! It’s been too long since I last wrote & getting back into it has taken some real shaking up.
As you will remember from my last blog post & also on the various social media platforms – our first market was not what we expected it to be at all & up until about 3rd week December, I was literally referring to it as a failure. I think this one should’ve been written during that time so the raw feelings would’ve still been able to come across but I’ll try my best to keep it as authentic as possible.
So the market was a fail, we had put way too many eggs in that basket & they all cracked. The 2 weeks after it, I slipped into a mini depression because the result was not being able to pay any of my bills – I was in a deep dark space. In that time every day was a challenge mentally & I had to drag myself to the store each day feeling more & more defeated.
One of my older cousins came to drop off her gift bags for her corporate bento order & we had a very enlightening chat. She congratulated me on all I had achieved so far & how far I came & told me that having a business is not an easy feat. She’s been at it much longer than me & she still gets really
bad days or months where ends don’t meet & that’s just how it goes. Considering the type of business she has & how far she has come, it really opened my eyes to how I had been blinded by the “dream”. She gave me some tips on how to handle my anxiety, what to do next, which books to read for inspo & tips & the best of all – always brought it down to faith & God’s plan for me so that visit really meant a lot.
The next day I was feeling better & ready to take on the world again, the following day however I had another breakdown. My kid’s school transport kept messaging me about paying the December fee even after I had asked for some time (considering there was no school in December & therefore there would be no immediate fuel expenses). In any event that was what led to my final meltdown, I hate owing people money & not being able to meet my obligations & the fact that I had paid in full every month for the past 2-3years did not win any kind of understanding here & this is just sometimes how life goes. I cried for a solid 20 mins after asking my younger brother to loan me the cash which he sent immediately without question or requiring any explanations. I felt useless & hopeless & like I made the wrong decision. I messaged my husband to come to the store because in that kind of anxiety-stricken state, everything is unclear & I struggled to continue to work.
He rushed from the prior delivery, made me some tea, talked me down, told me to relax & get myself together & to pack up the rest of the stuff to do at home later when I was in a better space. These are all the things I could’ve thought of myself but in that state, it just didn’t come to me. I was so grateful because I was much calmer, I could finish my order & I could see clearly. Those little cakes turned out so beautiful & when he had left on that delivery – I received a revelation.
I’m a very pedantic personality type & I also have the tendency to think of every possible bad outcome for every situation before making any decisions so at that moment, I realized that I just “fell” for a while & when you fall, the thing to remember is that you can ALWAYS get back up. Something I completely forgot in those moments of the panic attack. I looked at my beautiful bentos, then at how far I have come on the social media platforms, I read some of the messages I had received as feedback from my blog & my journey milestones & I was inspired all over again. I didn’t make the decision to leave my corporate job & do this full time on a whim, it took days of no sleep & lots of “pros & cons” lists & plans & checking & most of all praying & I know in my heart of hearts that it was the right decision & I will make it a success.
I decided to have an open day that weekend. Hope – a friend from my church was around & she normally helps with my prep in December, so I invited her along to assist us & we got things ready for the weekend’s open day. It was such a fun time, the Christmas feeling was finally felt, the anxiety & worry had gone & everyone’s moods were lighter. Hope spoke about what was going on in her life & in some of her friend’s lives & it made me remember that everyone………. literally everyone is going through something in 2023. Hope came to restore hope to myself & my family & I am forever grateful for that.
We had so many friends visit us over that open day weekend, from all parts of the city & we were so humbled & so grateful. We made less items for the Open day than we did for the market & made more profit with less stress & strain.
I’m grateful still for the experience that we had at the market, the lessons that were learnt would not have been otherwise & the knowledge I have now is going to help me make better choices with the next ones. With my eyes seeing clearly again & our hope being restored, many doors suddenly started opening & I
was saved. Below is a snippet of the message she sent me in the evening after our day together.
Until next time….. remember to bake someone happy
