Hello Lovelies!
It’s almost a year now since I left my corporate job of 16 years in the hope of taking my dream to bigger heights. It feels like it was just yesterday though. So many mixed feelings about the life-changing medical news we had just received & praying for direction. I finally made the decision, I told my faith sister & she immediately retaliated, she said “Pray about it before making hasty decisions”.
When I think back now how many people interrogated me when I told them my decision. I had so many people to convince because I had already convinced myself. While they all sounded reluctant & very worried when I shared the news, each of them echoed these words “If anyone can do it, it would definitely be you”. Three completely different women who play very different roles in my life had said the absolute same thing to me! My best friend, my faith sister & my closest aunt. I kept my circle extremely small. I was so passionate & sure I could do it, I just did it!
The first person I told was Sasha Finlay from “Biz Bestie” & she also asked me the interrogating questions & lectured me to make sure I was sure & I can say now that I had never been so sure about something in my whole life. I told my bookkeeper next & he was overjoyed, also asked me the hard questions & again I answered everything with confidence so he did the numbers & gave his blessings. I was so confident, I made him confident too!
It was by far the most trying & amazing time of my entire life! In the beginning I was full of hope & determination & I had so many people supporting me. People I didn’t even know from all over SA were sending me messages of encouragement & I became a role model for so many women wanting to take the same leap of faith but with limited means. I felt scared & elated at the same time. I worked & worked & as much as I made progress & traction, the more the bills piled up & the income couldn’t stretch as far as I needed it to. More & more I fell in & out of bouts of depression & had to dig myself out & try again on so many occasions, I can’t even count them now. I had given up my church & ministry work to make this dream a reality & it was eating at me. At one stage, I felt like I had been in the firing line for days & I was being shot at from all angles but never falling down & dying. Eventually I finally broke. I had to make a massive change in my life to save my family, the same family I convinced myself I was making the best decision for initially.
In getting back to a corporate job, I still thought that I could make it work, maybe hire staff to manage the store but after two months I learnt it was just impossible to do both. I moved back home & continued part time. I felt like a failure on the one hand & a martyr on the other because the sacrifice was definitely for the greater good. God willing, I have many years still ahead of me to try this again but I have only a few years left to give my kids a good education & solid upbringing.
I cannot tell you how many things had gone wrong after this & all I keep thinking is how much worst it would’ve been having to tackle that + a R12k rent & additional bills. I could get back to my church & ministry work & I could do charitable works again & this reinvigorated my spirit. I was back to loving what I do & balance it with caring for the people I love. No feeling of desperation to make sales or get orders to be able to feed my family. My heart goes out to business owners who are going through this daily especially in this economy. It’s a horrible feeling to be helpless & desperate & I pray that the spirit guides you to where you need to be.
I’m going to end this chapter of my life with these few words “I know I am destined for greatness & I will make it by the grace of God”. While compiling this edition, I had the song “Holy Forever” on repeat, I think it played 22 times. I also found this diary entry from 2023.
Until next time…. Remember to bake someone happy!
