My new normal… umm maybe not so new?

Hello lovelies! Hope all of you have been doing well in the time that I have been MIA – sorry for that, it’s been going “down” on my side.

I last wrote in Feb so finding my groove again was a little difficult. I managed to take some time out on Friday & sit in the afternoon sun around beautiful flowers & greenery for a mini time out & that’s just what the doctor called for.

A lot has happened since I last wrote, mainly me coming to the realization that doing the cakery full time was not going to pay my bills for a long while & that time was not something I have much of. In a world where I was stressed for every penny & not meeting any of my monthly personal bills, I was quickly spiraling into a world of darkness & depression.

The “desperation mindset” is really no joke when you find yourself so desperate to make a buck to be able to take care of your family & you would literally try every avenue to get there. When you don’t even recognize yourself at the end of the day because your sole focus is how to avoid your car being repossessed or your home taken away. In a world where corruption has engulfed us & crippled even the basic standard of living, there was absolutely no way my business was going to get where I needed it to be in the short time that I needed it to get there. I finally decided that it was time to go back to the corporate world, I tried various ways to get back into my old role which proved to be difficult, but I knew God had a bigger, better plan for me especially after I hit rock bottom after going for an interview with my prior management team. I had never in my life felt so defenseless & desperate at the same time.

I don’t have time to go into detail about how that ordeal broke me but in my narrow mindedness I missed the blessing God sent me separately. My interview I had at the next place was like something out of a fairytale & I knew the job was the one God meant for me. I started immediately & they were so accommodating to my needs, knowing me for several years in my prior life. The only difference would be going into the office 3 times a week, but I was confident that I could make it & the cakery work. My plan was to work from the cakery on the 2 other days of the week as my orders were few & I was planning on hiring staff.

Unfortunately, the plans didn’t go as they were meant to & it didn’t make sense to go to the cakery with the small number of orders I was getting. Many people told me to let go of the premises now that I was working full time again because the rent was just an unnecessary expense, but I just couldn’t do it. It took me a long while to come to terms with it but it made more sense for the recovery of my life for me to let the premises go & again by the grace of God alone, the owners let me out of my least unscathed. I wasn’t there when the things were taken down or moved & I am in two minds on whether or not it would’ve been better for me to say goodbye or not, I think things worked out in the way that would benefit my mental health the best.

I had loads of moving expenses & after advertising a lot of my stuff to sell, I hadn’t sold a thing. On the night before the move started just after 11pm, Jansie from Tailorbaked responded to my ad saying she was interested in a few things. The transaction was so smooth & definitely God sent. The cash from the sale of the items she took covered my moving expenses, my overdue rent & utilities & paid for my car not to be taken. I was so grateful & I knew that closing the store was the right decision.

I have a massive support system, anywhere I turned there was an aunt, best friend or parent or child to comfort me. I had minimal time to myself or to be sad. My projects at the new company is keeping my mind busy & the atmosphere & people are so soothing. Trying to find “myself” again is proving to be a little difficult as so much has changed in the course of 9 months. When I look back now it seems like a lifetime & while it may seem like I didn’t give myself enough time, I know the time was just not right for me.

If you know me at all, you’ll know I’m not a morning person & for the better part of 5yrs prior to the 4yrs of work from home in the Covid period, I was leaving home after 7am & I was waking up at about 6.30am if anything. These days I’m up before 5am & at work by 7am – it’s a nightmare of an adjustment & I’ve been struggling! Some days I feel like crying (inside but still). Anyhoo I then remember the months of being self employed with no orders & sleeping through my days due to depression & I quickly snap out of the “ungrateful” mindset. For those of you who didn’t get to see my cakery, don’t fret – perhaps in another 5 years we’ll try again 😊

Until next time…… remember to bake someone happy!

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